If I weren't their mother, which son would I date?

L to R:  Samuel, me, Tom, Charles, Jonathan and Edmund at the end.

Every once in awhile, I have to humiliate my sons in public, and this is likely the post that will do it, because it's a "creepy Mom" post.

 Say this was a young-adult novel, and I was the sixteen year-old protagonist, and these guys are the male high school hotties.  How would it play out?  Which boy does the girlie girl end up with?

Sam would be the good looking hunk that I would lust after, and he would be kind to me, because he's a kind kid, but he wouldn't date me.  He'd just date the beautiful Sarah with the long, blonde hair.  Sarah would be my best friend.  I was always a side kick, never the romantic lead.

Jonathan would be the blind date.  Someone would have lined me up with him, and he'd be better looking than any of the blind dates I ever had, and so I wouldn't be able to speak to him.  We'd go bowling and then stop at 7-Eleven for a slurpie.  He'd never call me again.  I would see him around school with various Jennifers.

Edmund would be my best guy friend.  He'd drive a two-seated scooter that we'd ride without helmets and make me laugh long snarky laughs.  We'd climb through each other's basement windows and look at Victoria Secret catalogues until three in the morning.  I would tell him about my hopeless crush on Sam and he would tell me about his hopeless crush on Ke$ha.  When he had his mouth wired shut for six weeks, I mixed doughnuts and milk in the blender for him as a snack.

Charles would be the aimed for boyfriend.  Funny but brashly intellectual, we'd discuss books, but I'd  gag when he favored fantasy novels.  He gagged at the whole 19th century. We'd belong to the Young Democrats Club in our high school (six members altogether).  I would ask all my friends if they'd like to see his Extremly Large Toe, and he would whip it out and make them cry. 

In the middle of the novel, I would find that he's making out with Erica behind stage at THE TEMPEST rehearsals--the crisis!

What's the denouement?  I'd probably end up in a basement with Ed.  We'd be FB friends for the rest of our lives.