Today's list: Things I have done but will never do again

 Things I have done but will never do again:

--eat at Chuckie Cheeses

--visit Disneyland

--ride a ferris wheel

--play chess

--take a bus cross-country

--dye my hair

--buy a dog

--have a baby

--have a period

--eat a Twinkie

--go on a blind date or any date, for that matter

--buy an American car

--read Proust

--read Nicholas Sparks or Danielle Steele

--wear shorts

--hitchhike or pick up hitchhikers

--pee in my car

--get up at 5 a.m. to do anything

--smoke a cigarette/cigar

--watch Somewhere in Time

Things I shouldn’t do but probably will anyway:

--cut my own hair

--sew something

--let the grandchildren guzzle Dr. Peppers

--skip church

--tell a Polish joke

--complain/whine/sulk

--scratch until it bleeds

--wear Tom’s underwear when I run out of my own

--look at myself in a magnified mirror

--stay up past midnight

--skip the sunscreen

--leave clothes on the floor

--mix whites and colors

--curse

--dance in my undies on the back porch

--take a sleeping pill

--ask Tom who he’ll marry when I die