Calling the government and getting no answer

I hate making phone calls, but then there are ones I have put off too long, so I make myself a big post-it-note and stick it on my lamp as a must do for the following day.  THE ONE THING I MUST DO!

This morning I made the call to Social Security to send me a new Medicare card.  I lost it more than a year ago.  And my driver's license.  Actually, I've replaced my driver's license three times in the last year.  And I've lost my camera.  And my phone was lost for a couple of months, but I found it today.

If this is some kind of sign, I refuse to acknowledge it.

I tried getting a new card through the internet, but Social Security didn't want to recognize me or my passwords.  If I had trouble, the site said, I should call this number.

So this morning, I finally called the South Jordan Social Security Office.  A machine answered and asked me if I wanted to buy one of those medical alerts for old people, in case I fell down and needed help.  Push 1 for yes and 2 for no.  No.  Was I interested in a free Caribbean vacation?  No.  There is no free vacation.  Would I take a short test about my health care.  It wouldn't take a no, so I took the test.  Finally, it wanted my name and the state from which I was calling.

Plummer, I said. Utah

What are the first three letters of your name?

p-l-u

I cannot understand your name, the voice in the box told me. Even when I spelled the first three letters, she could not find a Plummer name on the list.

So I called the Salt Lake office and was greeted with new items that I might like to buy, and was again offered a free Caribbean Trip. All I had to do was pay the fees. No.  Was I interested in having my ears checked? No.

As before, no one named Plummer was on their list.

I was never offered a human voice.  It was worse than Comcast.

Kill me.

Then Tom called our insurance to get a dental card and found out that they could also send me my Medicare card.  It took one minute.  One polite human voice took care of it all.

Thank you polite male human voice at DMBA.  May the universe bless you and yours.