The Chattering Crow: I don't know how to wear a beard

Sunday, December 8, 2013

I don't know how to wear a beard

At the family Christmas party last Saturday night, I received this white elephant gift, a Santa hat and beard. When I put the beard on, everyone burst into loud laughing--more laughter than simply donning a white beard would deserve. It was because I thought the opening was for my nose.

Seriously.

Going, going . . .

3 comments:

AnonymousDecember 8, 2013 at 11:24 PM
I think I bit my tongue from loud laughing. It's 2am and my roommate is sleeping next door. Still laughing. This post brings me delight like a most beloved star. Nose Beard. I vote we should dub thee 'nose beard,' lady of the glad dream.
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Bonnie WhiteDecember 9, 2013 at 10:39 AM
When I first read the title, I thought you were moaning about actual whiskers you were growing. It happens sometimes you know. Glad to hear it wasn't THAT.
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Sue CarterDecember 16, 2013 at 11:46 PM
It's nearly midnight as I read this. I have so much to do but reading your blog while I print letters to accompany our Christmas cards is keeping me entertained. You are soooo funny!!
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"The beautiful is as useful as the useful." Victor Hugo
"I don't want the damned sportsmanship award."
"Jesus glows in the dark like my pajama tops" George Plummer, age 4
"Our parents are crazy as hell." Sam Plummer, 2016
"Grandma, your hands are old." Sally Plummer, age 3.
"Expect the end of the world. Laugh. Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts." Wendell Berry
"Sitting is the new smoking is the new bullshit." Tom Plummer, 2014
"Never move an old tree." Dutch saying.
"I am universally offensive." Dede Plummer, 2014
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"Please bless Grandma. And Grandpa. That they can have a nice time. In their apartment." Louis Plummer, age 4.
“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” George Saunders
"Hello, my name is Tom, and I'll be your spouse this evening." Tom Plummer, 2012
Me: " Jesus knows EVERYTHING." Hank (10), "Yeah? How many fingers am I holding up?"
"In my end is my beginning." T.S. Eliot
"Nothing has prepared her for the wide, grey simplicity of sadness and for the knowledge that this is what the rest of her life will be like." Carol Shields
"My life has been a fog, but the only light, the only clarity-- has come from the simplicity of putting permanent ink on paper." Rian Plummer, age 17.
"When I die I'm leaving my body to science fiction." Steven Wright
"Does anybody need to go poopies?" Louis Plummer, age 3
"I grew up in the wide and spacious building." Charles Plummer, 2011
"Pride is a such a useless handicap." Christina Putney
"You are not too old and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out it's own secret" — Rainer Maria Rilke
"Don't retire; retread your tires." Lucy Jarvis
"Grandma is never boring." Mira Plummer, age 8
"Not all who wander are lost." J.R.R. Tolkien
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"Being in your body is a good place to be." Beatrix Ost
"I'm the world's oldest teenager." Iris Apfel, age 89