What do you all know about parents and children living together in the same house? Say mother-in-law apartments with separate kitchen and laundry. Separated but still under the same roof? You all like each other.
I have a friend from Columbia. Every year her mother comes for 6 months to live with them. She has her own suite with a kitchen area. It is separate from the rest of the living quarters and has a sliding glass door onto her own patio. My friend loves having her come, and she loves coming and spending time with her daughter and grandkids.
Emergency procedures need also be agreed upon. If the parent doesn't open her blinds in the morning, is she sleeping in or has she had a stroke? What should the child do? (Turns out Grandma had a stroke, and Mom has felt guilty about not spotting it sooner for almost 40 years.)
Not the same situation, though. Grandma had a separate house, and was housebound: both more and less dependent than the situation you propose. But it worked very well for both parties for years, and was a blessing to my siblings and me.
I've offered to have my mom live near us when she comes retiring age (10 more years, maybe?) and she was incredulous, considering our history of fighting mercilessly when we live together. However, I firmly believe that no house is big enough for two adult women, ergo, if there's a separate, free-standing structure with its own kitchen and entertaining space in proximity to grandkids, we will get along swimmingly.
I like the emergency procedure idea. I don't think two women should have to share the same kitchen or laundry. And one would definitely need one own's entertaining space.
We lived with my parents for about 2 1/2 years, sharing a kitchen and laundry, but in a very large home so our bedrooms and bathroom were very separate from their sleeping quarters. I think it was harder on my husband than me, but it all worked out cooking-wise, etc. The biggest frustration was my sister showing up with her kids every day and lounging around on grandma's couch but it was my couch too. It was a matter of her continuing her usurp on Mom's house while not respecting that another family now lived there as well.
I lived in my in-laws basement "apartment" for a year and a half. My daughter, who was 6 mo. to 2 years, liked to run away upstairs to grandma's house. It was hard on me to be there. We had our own kitchen, but not our own oven and my father-in-law turned it off without looking to see whether something was inside. My in-laws also had storage space in the midst of our living quarters. They usurped my husband and my evening more than once without really asking if it was okay. I was even more upset when it became clear that they had been planning this adventure in boxes for a week and hadn't thought to mention it to us. We were sponging, so I wasn't really in a position to complain. They did get the snow shoveled off their driveway out of the deal. Who's in charge of the yard? Totally separate spaces and locking doors would probably have helped me feel better about the whole thing. My daughter does have the best relationship with her grandparents of any of their grandchildren, and I still like them.
My mother has a basement apartment with my sister's family living upstairs. My mother is also on the deed of the house so she owns it too. For the most part, I think it's a pretty great situation. The one aspect of it I would completely hate if it were me, is that my space had little to no natural light. The apartment is downstairs and the windows aren't great for lighting. I'd be sure this part of your situation - if this is for you - is to your liking.. If memory serves, you're also a bit of a light junky. Other than this detail, I think everyone is very happy. She has her own kitchen, dining area, and bathroom. Her own entertainment space, too. Her grandchildren are around as is my sister and her husband. The only thing missing - in my opinion - is the natural light...
We rented our basement for five years. We shared laundry and a floor/ceiling. Husband's cousins: celestial. Friend's cousins: terrestrial. My cousins: telestial and we quit. It was a part of our marriage vows that we will never live with either set of parents as long as it is within our control. However, we each have a sibling (and their family) that our family could live with under the same roof. I vote "depends".
So knowing that you would be with a son and daughter-in-law, that's a rough territory. As long as all you have share is the yard then it sounds like sweet deal. Are you thinking of moving to Philly?
I think this is a good way to teach our children that their story is bigger than them. It didn't start the day they were born and it won't end the day they die.
We lived with my in-laws for about 8 months during school. They lived in Tooele and my husband was attending the University of Utah. We had a four year old and a two year old at the time. I was loathe to do it, but it got to the point where we felt like we didn't have much of a choice: by then we had so many student loans that quitting was not an option. (We never even considered him quitting school.) It turned out to be one of the greatest experiences of my life. I gained a huge appreciation for my husband and I loved getting to know his parents on a new level. His mother is wonderful, though, She would be hard to clash with. She is Filipino, and it's traditional to have several generations living under one roof, so that helped.
That's just my experience. Geez, I'm a commenting fool on your blog now!
Come on back, Louise. The summer you lived here was fantastical, and you know it. It would be even better this time around, without that brown and black fur-ball-of-a-dog. But we'd have to cut back on the root beer floats (except for when Tom is dangerously close to dehydration).
is it with your favorite or least favorite child? are you trying to punish or reward one of your children? please provide more details. a list of children ordered from least favorite to most favorite will help. a secondary list ranking spouses will also be helpful.
oh Louise it's all about temperamant. I start to detest ANYone after about 4 days. If Mother tHeresa moved in in Monday, Friday I'd be giving her dirty looks for praying too much. I am awlful. I think it stems from, well you don't have that kind of time, plus thi sis a public forum. Also my mom lived with me for a bit and though she is rally cool it is hard to be comfortable in your own home with an extended guest. You hve to include them in evrything, conversations, outings, evrything. And you can't speak freely, whine, gossip, without feeling bad. It kinda sux. But just a little. My mom cleaned like a professional. Kahalia
My aunt lived downstairs from her grandkids. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend from Columbia. Every year her mother comes for 6 months to live with them. She has her own suite with a kitchen area. It is separate from the rest of the living quarters and has a sliding glass door onto her own patio. My friend loves having her come, and she loves coming and spending time with her daughter and grandkids.
ReplyDeleteI think as long as boundaries are respected so no one feels like a "guest" or a "landlord" then it can be a perfect solution.
ReplyDeleteThese are more positive than I expected. Yes, boundaries and expectations would need to be agreed upon.
ReplyDeleteEmergency procedures need also be agreed upon. If the parent doesn't open her blinds in the morning, is she sleeping in or has she had a stroke? What should the child do? (Turns out Grandma had a stroke, and Mom has felt guilty about not spotting it sooner for almost 40 years.)
ReplyDeleteNot the same situation, though. Grandma had a separate house, and was housebound: both more and less dependent than the situation you propose. But it worked very well for both parties for years, and was a blessing to my siblings and me.
I've offered to have my mom live near us when she comes retiring age (10 more years, maybe?) and she was incredulous, considering our history of fighting mercilessly when we live together. However, I firmly believe that no house is big enough for two adult women, ergo, if there's a separate, free-standing structure with its own kitchen and entertaining space in proximity to grandkids, we will get along swimmingly.
ReplyDeleteHopefully.
I like the emergency procedure idea. I don't think two women should have to share the same kitchen or laundry. And one would definitely need one own's entertaining space.
ReplyDelete"so much depends
ReplyDeleteupon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens" WCW
Age, health, children, mobility. Each must be weighed out and the effect on all considered.
We lived with my parents for about 2 1/2 years, sharing a kitchen and laundry, but in a very large home so our bedrooms and bathroom were very separate from their sleeping quarters. I think it was harder on my husband than me, but it all worked out cooking-wise, etc. The biggest frustration was my sister showing up with her kids every day and lounging around on grandma's couch but it was my couch too. It was a matter of her continuing her usurp on Mom's house while not respecting that another family now lived there as well.
ReplyDeleteOh sure, Bonnie, bring up the red wheel barrow to me.
ReplyDeleteNancy, the man of the house has to be able to walk around his own space in his underwear. Very important.
I lived in my in-laws basement "apartment" for a year and a half. My daughter, who was 6 mo. to 2 years, liked to run away upstairs to grandma's house. It was hard on me to be there. We had our own kitchen, but not our own oven and my father-in-law turned it off without looking to see whether something was inside. My in-laws also had storage space in the midst of our living quarters. They usurped my husband and my evening more than once without really asking if it was okay. I was even more upset when it became clear that they had been planning this adventure in boxes for a week and hadn't thought to mention it to us. We were sponging, so I wasn't really in a position to complain. They did get the snow shoveled off their driveway out of the deal. Who's in charge of the yard? Totally separate spaces and locking doors would probably have helped me feel better about the whole thing. My daughter does have the best relationship with her grandparents of any of their grandchildren, and I still like them.
ReplyDeleteMy mother has a basement apartment with my sister's family living upstairs. My mother is also on the deed of the house so she owns it too. For the most part, I think it's a pretty great situation. The one aspect of it I would completely hate if it were me, is that my space had little to no natural light. The apartment is downstairs and the windows aren't great for lighting. I'd be sure this part of your situation - if this is for you - is to your liking.. If memory serves, you're also a bit of a light junky. Other than this detail, I think everyone is very happy. She has her own kitchen, dining area, and bathroom. Her own entertainment space, too. Her grandchildren are around as is my sister and her husband. The only thing missing - in my opinion - is the natural light...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWe rented our basement for five years. We shared laundry and a floor/ceiling. Husband's cousins: celestial. Friend's cousins: terrestrial. My cousins: telestial and we quit. It was a part of our marriage vows that we will never live with either set of parents as long as it is within our control. However, we each have a sibling (and their family) that our family could live with under the same roof. I vote "depends".
ReplyDeleteSo knowing that you would be with a son and daughter-in-law, that's a rough territory. As long as all you have share is the yard then it sounds like sweet deal. Are you thinking of moving to Philly?
ReplyDeleteI think this is a good way to teach our children that their story is bigger than them. It didn't start the day they were born and it won't end the day they die.
ReplyDeleteWe lived with my in-laws for about 8 months during school. They lived in Tooele and my husband was attending the University of Utah. We had a four year old and a two year old at the time. I was loathe to do it, but it got to the point where we felt like we didn't have much of a choice: by then we had so many student loans that quitting was not an option. (We never even considered him quitting school.) It turned out to be one of the greatest experiences of my life. I gained a huge appreciation for my husband and I loved getting to know his parents on a new level. His mother is wonderful, though, She would be hard to clash with. She is Filipino, and it's traditional to have several generations living under one roof, so that helped.
That's just my experience. Geez, I'm a commenting fool on your blog now!
Come on back, Louise. The summer you lived here was fantastical, and you know it. It would be even better this time around, without that brown and black fur-ball-of-a-dog. But we'd have to cut back on the root beer floats (except for when Tom is dangerously close to dehydration).
ReplyDeleteis it with your favorite or least favorite child? are you trying to punish or reward one of your children? please provide more details. a list of children ordered from least favorite to most favorite will help. a secondary list ranking spouses will also be helpful.
ReplyDeleteoh Louise it's all about temperamant. I start to detest ANYone after about 4 days. If Mother tHeresa moved in in Monday, Friday I'd be giving her dirty looks for praying too much. I am awlful. I think it stems from, well you don't have that kind of time, plus thi sis a public forum. Also my mom lived with me for a bit and though she is rally cool it is hard to be comfortable in your own home with an extended guest. You hve to include them in evrything, conversations, outings, evrything. And you can't speak freely, whine, gossip, without feeling bad. It kinda sux. But just a little. My mom cleaned like a professional.
ReplyDeleteKahalia