The Chattering Crow: Woman in a tub

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Woman in a tub

This morning I woke up to a shocking dream: I had taken a snapshot of myself in the bathtub and it was on the internet. It was a prim photo, but it was on the internet. Even awake, I was not sure that it wasn't true. I googled myself to see if such a photo would show up. Nothing.

I imagined someone (News at 5) sticking a microphone in front of my face, showing me the photo in the tub and asking, "Is this you?"

"No, I would never do that."

Guilty.

"Yes, I entered a beauty contest for women 65 to 69, but Helen Mirren won."

It was only a dream. Please, it was only a dream.

3 comments:

AnnJune 1, 2011 at 9:22 AM
There are no words except to say that . . . I just love this.
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DeneceJune 5, 2011 at 6:50 AM
Careful. Writing down livid dreams increases their potency and retention. :)
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Angie LarkinJune 8, 2011 at 9:21 PM
Funny!
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"The beautiful is as useful as the useful." Victor Hugo
"I don't want the damned sportsmanship award."
"Jesus glows in the dark like my pajama tops" George Plummer, age 4
"Our parents are crazy as hell." Sam Plummer, 2016
"Grandma, your hands are old." Sally Plummer, age 3.
"Expect the end of the world. Laugh. Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts." Wendell Berry
"Sitting is the new smoking is the new bullshit." Tom Plummer, 2014
"Never move an old tree." Dutch saying.
"I am universally offensive." Dede Plummer, 2014
"I don't want to see any movie with the word 'guys" in the title." Tom Plummer, 2013.
"Please bless Grandma. And Grandpa. That they can have a nice time. In their apartment." Louis Plummer, age 4.
“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” George Saunders
"Hello, my name is Tom, and I'll be your spouse this evening." Tom Plummer, 2012
Me: " Jesus knows EVERYTHING." Hank (10), "Yeah? How many fingers am I holding up?"
"In my end is my beginning." T.S. Eliot
"Nothing has prepared her for the wide, grey simplicity of sadness and for the knowledge that this is what the rest of her life will be like." Carol Shields
"My life has been a fog, but the only light, the only clarity-- has come from the simplicity of putting permanent ink on paper." Rian Plummer, age 17.
"When I die I'm leaving my body to science fiction." Steven Wright
"Does anybody need to go poopies?" Louis Plummer, age 3
"I grew up in the wide and spacious building." Charles Plummer, 2011
"Pride is a such a useless handicap." Christina Putney
"You are not too old and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out it's own secret" — Rainer Maria Rilke
"Don't retire; retread your tires." Lucy Jarvis
"Grandma is never boring." Mira Plummer, age 8
"Not all who wander are lost." J.R.R. Tolkien
"The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don't want." Iyanla Vanzant
"Being in your body is a good place to be." Beatrix Ost
"I'm the world's oldest teenager." Iris Apfel, age 89