10 things a mother-in-law should NEVER utter to or in front of a daughter-in-law:
--I would never let my child do that.
--My baby boy likes his roast well done, and his shirts folded this way etc.
--He was mine before he was yours.
--The baby stopped crying as soon as you left.
--Oh honey, remember your old girlfriend, Lila, with the long flowing blondehair who came from such a well-bred family. I saw her yesterday, and she’sjust finished medical school, has three children, and just bought a house in Highbrow Heights for cash. She said to tell you hi.
--You’ve gained a little weight, haven’t you? You’re face is breaking out. I liked you better blonde.
--You have it easy. You were never raised in war-torn Europe and gone without. You have a dishwasher, stove, laundry and refrigerator.
--I’m coming to stay when the baby is born.
--My son looks skinny; don’t you feed him?
--Won’t those dirty dishes draw vermin? Did you mean to stack these toys in your living room?
(the list is from babble.com/strollerderby) more or less
As a mother-in-law to four daughters-in-law, I will herewith confess my mother-in-law sins:
I haven't said I would never let my child to do that, but I HAVE done something as bad: to Sarah: "Oh, do we have to put the carseats in? We're only going a few blocks." To Ed and Dede in the hospital after Samantha was born, "I thought you were going to name her Maggie!" (Actually, I think Dede may have been too drugged to take offense, but I know Ed wanted to put a stake through my heart). To Erica: "You're breaking out." I haven't lived around Julie enough to know what I've said wrong, but surely I've said something equally obnoxious.
Mothers-in-law should keep their mouths shut. When have I ever been able to do that?
I'm pretty sure I've said, "The baby stopped crying the minute you left," proving my superior and charming grandmother powers. Of course EVERYONE remembers when I forgot I was babysitting and left a sleeping baby in my basement while Tom and I drove up the canyon.
So no one ever asks me to babysit.
I'm the world's worst caretaker; my daughters-in-law are all superior to me in taking care of my sons. Besides, those boys know how to call for pizza.
I love to talk about old girlfriends. Love love love it. Will never ever stop doing it.
I'm the only one who has had vermin in the house (N.Y. apartment).
Who hasn't had modern conveniences in the last 40 years?
Feel free to comment on your mother-in-law, good or bad. You might want to use your witness protection name.
My mother-in-law was sitting on my couch once when she said, "You know, I always kept a clean house when my kids were little." She paused. Looked around at my room. "Maybe I should have been more like *you*... But I always kept a clean house."
ReplyDeleteShe also used to have this habit of breaking into my house and completely redecorating it every time I went out of town... But that's a whole other can of worms. :)
My MIL came to help after I had my 1st child and was recovering from an emergency C-section. She left shortly after I overheard her talking to family on the phone, saying, "Heather's stomach is huge! Even after I had the twins I wasn't as big as she is. Its gonna take a miracle diet for her to look good again."
ReplyDeleteIt took twenty more years of marriage to her son before I could forgive her rudeness. Sort of.
My mama-in-llama has been a dream come true. Really. It's a miracle.
ReplyDeleteMy mother in law is a dream. My own mama? Well, I think my favorite was "You are one of the top five prettiest brides I have ever seen." Tabitha
ReplyDeleteMy mother in law had a "challenging" mother in law so she is very very quiet. So maybe you are training really good future mother in laws.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL keeps her mouth shut. She might be the nicest lady I know, actually. I will probably be the MIL from hell. I have no filter.
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law is more like Louise. She NEVER puts the kids in car seats and when she's babysitting, she lets them watch TV all day. And I do mean, ALL DAY. I don't think she's ever left a sleeping baby to go for a drive though.
ReplyDeleteBut, she's the best because she's not judgmental and always supportive of me.
Where do I begin? She tells me how I need to dismantle our office/sewing room so that my kids can each have their own rooms and how much i am going to regret having the girls together. She also told me the reason my husband didn't want to have our dog neutered was because we might need to breed him if we have financial trouble in the future. I like to reciprocate with things like "If I'm ever living in your basement just know it was a last resort." I really said that to her. I could seriously go on and on. It causes commotion from time to time.
ReplyDeleteLet's see, dear Mother #2, what to say...
ReplyDeleteI don't mind you bringing up past girlfriends--it's entertaining, and makes Sam way more uncomfortable than it does me.
I wouldn't care if you said Sam looked skinny, but please don't ever tell me I have gained weight.
It's not true no one asks you to babysit! We have asked you probably too many times. The boys love it, and we do so appreciate every time you have buckled them in car seats.
You know I love you.
Ok, let's see, my list is loooooong. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think my feelings about you as a MIL are pretty clear. Awesome!
I wanted to name her Maggie, it was Ed who was upset.
Who cares if you are the worlds worst caregiver? Did any grandchild end up dead or maimed? It's all good then.
And as far as telling someone their baby stopped crying as soon as they left? That is what they want to hear. They want to know that the baby wasn't a total terror the whole time. I don't know why that's even on the list.
Now, I have a good one from your son's MIL (my mother):
Once, when talking about Ed's success at work, she said "He must me much different at work then he is at home". OUCH!!
When I was newly married my MIL would call and ask my hubby (who'd been living just fine on his own before we married) if I was feeding him enough meat. It drove me nuts.
ReplyDeleteAlso, with the naming of our 1st child she said she would never call him that so she would call him Buddy intead. Thankfully my little bundle of joy grew on her, but it was 3 months of awful name discussions.
Most awful thing I've said to my in-laws "When hubby and I have sex" It shut them right up.
Dede, the good thing about Ed is he forgives me quickly.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was writing this blog, Tom said, "Are you going to blitz my mother?"
No. No way. God rest her soul.
My Mother-In-Law is a lot like you...a little absent minded, but well meaning. When we leave the kids for her to babysit, they're always awake at 10 or llpm. She buckles them in the car seat, but it always takes her about 20 min to figure the &$*# thing out. Strollers are difficult for her as well.
ReplyDeleteThere have been a few things she's said that have rubbed me wrong though:
"Little J talks really well, but he can't hold a candle to Linda's two year old. They're only 3 months apart, so your kid must be kind of slow."
"Little J loves me so much more than he loves you. That must make you feel horrible, but I feel great!"
Just a few little things that really drive me out of my mind, but other than that she's really growing on me and I am learning to love her.
Let me begin by saying that my mother-in-law is one of the most amazing women I know. I love her dearly. That being said, she does pop up with some classic comments sometimes:
ReplyDeleteWhen my second son, Jonah, was three weeks old a sister-in-law asked if he was colicky. I replied affirmatively only to hear dear MIL yell out from the kitchen, "That's because he was in a whale for nine months!" All chatter in the room stopped and a minute later she yelled out, "That wasn't very nice, was it?"
She also told me that she was grateful that I did so many things with my children and didn't worry that my house was such a mess. She then proceeded to expand on how messy my house always was and how wonderful it was that I had more concern for the kids. Back handed compliment? I think so.
Dede, I just reread your comment. YOUR mother said that. I'm so relieved.
ReplyDeleteI've never had much problem with my mother-in-law, but I never read too much into what people say or get jealous easily. I agree with Dede, I don't know why the one about the baby not crying is on the list. I'd be overjoyed to hear that, and would never consider she was saying it to be mean.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I love your blog, but never comment because I have nothing clever to say. Only thank you, it always makes me happy. I have a feeling you'd be a wonderful MIL, and any inappropriate things you might say would be far outweighed by your charm.
btw- Iris turned 90 this summer, in case you want to make note of it in your sidebar.
Do you remember that time I begged you to adopt my husband so you could be my mother in law as well? I stand by that. (That husband of mine once tried to convince me to trade parents with him. Not a chance, pal.)
ReplyDeleteIt's hard being a shoot from the hip kinda woman when the target is just so big and right in front of you.
ReplyDeleteNow I just reread my comment and that sounds like I agreed that you were the worst caregiver in the world. I don't, you are not.
ReplyDeletei have attempted writing a comment here 3 times. and every time i am about to press send i get freaked out--that everyone on here will think i am the meanest person on the planet. but i'm officially over it.
ReplyDeleteshe asks me if i am divorcing her son (like all the time and out of NO WHERE. we have a great relationship too so it is kind of off putting.
she likes to backhand compliment me about liking a clean house....she'll say things like, "your place is so clean. i just feel like there are so many other things to do and learn instead of spending my time cleaning." i'm not a clean fanatic--although compared to her i might seem it. she's cool with dog pee on the floor. i'm not.
and the worst of all: "you aren't being very sensitive to my son's needs."
she makes me bonkers.
I think the worst was when my mother in law said "the trouble with your hair is..." and then spent the next 15 minutes telling me everything that was wrong with my hair cut, while gingerly lifting pieces of it like it was slime. But that's just under the "hair and physical appearance" category of rude things. There are several categories, all alphabetized in my brain and waiting to be recalled when the time is right.
ReplyDelete