My argument is this: why discuss something inflammatory at the time of day when you are most exhausted and least able to control your emotions? Why not decide to postpone the whole discussion until morning when you're both rested and calmer? Go to bed, turn your face to the wall and go to sleep.
The New York Times Magazine had a long article about decision fatigue several weeks back where brain scientists have shown with MRIs that the human brain can only think through so many decisions a day and then it becomes fatigued. An illustration they used was that if as a prisoner, you go in front of the parole board in the morning or early afternoon, you are more likely to be paroled, than if you go at four in the afternoon. The board is then too fatigued to make a decision and it's safer to say no to potential parolees.
The same is true with married couples late at night when blaming is easier than cooperating.
I think I'm right about this.
Absolutely. Can't count how many times I was spitting nails, ready to file divorce papers at midnight. After a good nights sleep, I am able to see his point of view and feel sorry for him. Being married to me can be quite the challenge.
ReplyDeleteI agree, you're right about this! Let the return of rationale kick in through sleep.
ReplyDeleteSo true for pregnant women too!
You are absolutely right about this!
ReplyDeleteWhat Heather, Sarah, and CSIowa said. True true true.
ReplyDeleteIt also really helps to have a spare bedroom. Or a couch. Or a dog house.
ReplyDeleteAmen Heather,
ReplyDeleteBeing married to me can be quite the challenge.
Being married...
Great post
Yes! You are BRILLIANT!
ReplyDeleteI agree!!!! At every wedding shower I go to where they ask for advice, this is what I always say, and I always get a couple strange looks but I think it is so important!
ReplyDeleteOh my, yes!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby forwarded that article to me, as I tend to get severe decision fatigue. Unfortunately I'm also a night owl and make even worse decisions first thing in the morning. I should save all my decisions and marital issues for about 1 in the afternoon.
every time i go to a wedding shower and they ask each person to give advice, this is the exact advice i give. i NEVER believed the whole 'never got to bed angry' thing. rubbish.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. Wish my husband agreed with you as well. I'll have to bring it up with him tonight as we're about to turn out the lights. ;)
ReplyDeleteAmen. Just last night I was extremely angry at my husband. I knew I was being selfish, but I couldn't talk myself out of it, so I bit my tongue and went to bed early. This morning I could hardly remember why I was so angry. Sleep cures so much.
ReplyDelete