Saturday, September 21, 2013

Twerk and twash

Every generation thinks it, and it alone, invented sex.  The vocabulary changes, thus we get "twerking," which is simply a new label for the same old gyration.  Everything old is new again.  Only now we get to hear about it the nanosecond it spews forth from someone's lips with videos to boot.  Why am I bringing this up now, when the word "twerking" is already weeks old?

Because I'm grumpy, that's why.  Reasons I'm grumpy:

1.  Lower back pain returned yesterday with a vengeance.  I thought I was cured with a capital C.  But NOOOOOOOO.  The universe is clucking its tongue.

2.  I wanted a soft ice cream cone dipped in that chocolate that is all waxy and phony.  We can't find an Arctic Circle anywhere.  "I know I've seen one somewhere around here," I say to Tom.  We don't have cell phones to look it up, so we drive aimlessly, until we find an A&W.  They have soft ice cream, but they don't make dipped cones.  We order a hot fudge sundae.

Pitiful.  Almost no chocolate on the ice cream and it all tastes chemical.  And there wasn't enough of it.

3.  We go to the South Jordan Library and I pick up a couple of books and two movies, one is Richard III and the other one is Camille with Colin Firth.  I watched the latter. Absolute twash.  Inane.  Lame.  The music was an insipid waltz with whiny violins repeating the same ghastly tune.  A movie so bad, Colin Firth couldn't save it.

4.  Diarreah.  It's like I live in a third world country.  What is my problem?

5.  There is no 5.  Maybe there is for Tom, who can't find the plunger.

You fill in the gaps.


  1. I'm sorry about your lower back. I am familiar with the pain. In that mine comes and goes, and comes and goes, I remind myself that some people's pain only comes, never goes.

    #2-4: Boo. I hate grumpy weeks.

    #5: Tom, get thee to a plungery. (So, so sorry!)

  2. Have you heard of the movie Austenland? It may cure you of the twash, and maybe the lower back pain, I can't really speak to that. But it is in theaters now and it is delightful.

  3. Are you a Costco person? Because the chocolate dipped ice-cream in their food court is amazing.

  4. Best dipped cones at Dairy Queen!

  5. My neighborhood McDonalds has Dipped cones! (Drive-thru!) But they are a seasonal summer item, so they are out at some stores already... I'm trying to eat as many as possible until they run out -- or I crash my car... whichever comes first.

  6. Jerry B

    I sorry you have moved so far away. As a plummer's friend, I may have been able to help.

  7. If I were living as close to Alpine, UT as I believe you to be (as a garden-variety stalker and no great pro), I would hasten, yea verily make haste to see Dr. Randy Hayes. The man is a chiropractic genius. I would be so surprised if he couldn't help you immensely and immediately.
    12 E. Red Pine Drive
    Alpine, Utah 84004

  8. Auntie, there is an Article Circle on 72 South and State street, next time you need one. If you're in Salt Lake, go to Shivers on 33rd for a dipped cone, they're better than AC in my opinion.