I did not sleep last night. At ten, I was exhausted. At three, I was scrolling through every house for sale in Salt Lake City on Zillow.
At eight in the morning, Tom reads important news from Yahoo: "10 things you didn't know about Julianne Huff." He turns to me. "Who the hell is Julianne Huff?"
"I have no idea," I say.
He reads on. "Here's something that will break your heart," he says. " JLo splits with boy toy, Casper Smart."
"Please, you're making me cry," I say.
"Oh and then there's this: Rapper, Princess Superstar, heads Brooklyn hiphop class for tots. Now there's someone you want to have teaching your child." He shows me her picture. She wears very few clothes. If she lived in Utah, they'd have to photoshop a shirt on her for her yearbook picture.
"Here are10 things we might not know about Iggy Azalea," he says.
"We know his parents were idiots for naming him Iggy," I say.
"There's more," he says.
"That's enough," I say.