I have been skulking around the house like the woman behind The Yellow Wallpaper. It's a story about madness. Have you read it? It's a damned good story. I have been a little mad, a little reclusive, hiding behind closed blinds. I have watched all ten seasons of MI-5. I am the only person I know who has seen all ten seasons. Everyone else tells me, "It's just too dark. I had to quit."
It was just the right amount of darkness.
When a person like me feels the darkness coming, she's supposed to pull all her cognitive therapy knowledge into play and be happy(ier) by 1) keeping a gratitude journal, 2) exercising 45 minutes a day, 3) eating healthy foods, 4) writing a short to-do list for the following day, 5) sit under the light lamp or, even better, sit out in the sun, 5) help someone else, 6) whistle a happy tune and so on, 7) meditate or pray to your God.
These are the very things you don't want to do when you live on the dark side.
This was the one list I made: 1) get out of bed. 2) Shower. 3) Get dressed. And it was HARD, really HARD.
What actually made me feel better:
--Anthony Doerr's wonderful novel, All The Light We Cannot See. It's the best book of the decade.
--visiting Sue and Cless last weekend and seeing the Milky Way again. Why doesn't someone put the Milky Way on a list of feel gooders?
--Wednesday night art class
-- a funny therapist
--ate gallons of really good ice cream. I may just eat ice cream from now on.
--Coca Cola with sugar. Bring it on.
--I stopped going to church, because it made me feel bad about myself.
--Tom bought me a new, vintage green Fiat. This might have been his version of electroshock therapy. I've got to say, it really worked. I have a car. I can run away from home if I want to.
--friends who have "been there, done that, and know it will go away."