The Chattering Crow: Why I Can't Write a Blog

Friday, March 12, 2021

Why I Can't Write a Blog

1. Huh?

2. Something hurts.

3. How many blogs does the world need? I mean, really.

4. Reading is easier than writing.

5. Watching Apartment Therapy tiny apartment videos is easier than reading.

6. I can't find any pants to wear.

7. I don't even understand Apartment Therapy anymore. Everyone loves the seventies. What was so great about the seventies? It was awful then, and it's still awful. Young people put up these vile hanging lamps that belonged to their grandmas. Kill grandma. Kill her good.

8. There must be a medication for what I have.

9. What is this spill on the bathroom counter?

10. I can't read my own handwriting anymore. Where is Mark Hoffman when you need him?

3 comments:

Kent LarsenMarch 13, 2021 at 9:26 AM
"Where is Mark Hoffman when you need him?"

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
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BexybooMarch 14, 2021 at 7:34 PM
I love your blog. It makes my heart happy.
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Ar PMarch 30, 2021 at 1:57 AM
How many blogs does the world really need? Just one more. Yours was greatly missed as you were gallivanting around the globe, pretending you didn't notice us. A few silent tears were shed upon your return...
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You can quote me:

"The beautiful is as useful as the useful." Victor Hugo
"I don't want the damned sportsmanship award."
"Jesus glows in the dark like my pajama tops" George Plummer, age 4
"Our parents are crazy as hell." Sam Plummer, 2016
"Grandma, your hands are old." Sally Plummer, age 3.
"Expect the end of the world. Laugh. Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts." Wendell Berry
"Sitting is the new smoking is the new bullshit." Tom Plummer, 2014
"Never move an old tree." Dutch saying.
"I am universally offensive." Dede Plummer, 2014
"I don't want to see any movie with the word 'guys" in the title." Tom Plummer, 2013.
"Please bless Grandma. And Grandpa. That they can have a nice time. In their apartment." Louis Plummer, age 4.
“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” George Saunders
"Hello, my name is Tom, and I'll be your spouse this evening." Tom Plummer, 2012
Me: " Jesus knows EVERYTHING." Hank (10), "Yeah? How many fingers am I holding up?"
"In my end is my beginning." T.S. Eliot
"Nothing has prepared her for the wide, grey simplicity of sadness and for the knowledge that this is what the rest of her life will be like." Carol Shields
"My life has been a fog, but the only light, the only clarity-- has come from the simplicity of putting permanent ink on paper." Rian Plummer, age 17.
"When I die I'm leaving my body to science fiction." Steven Wright
"Does anybody need to go poopies?" Louis Plummer, age 3
"I grew up in the wide and spacious building." Charles Plummer, 2011
"Pride is a such a useless handicap." Christina Putney
"You are not too old and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out it's own secret" — Rainer Maria Rilke
"Don't retire; retread your tires." Lucy Jarvis
"Grandma is never boring." Mira Plummer, age 8
"Not all who wander are lost." J.R.R. Tolkien
"The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don't want." Iyanla Vanzant
"Being in your body is a good place to be." Beatrix Ost
"I'm the world's oldest teenager." Iris Apfel, age 89