The last year of his life, my father would occasionally say, "My brain feels like popcorn." He had a degenerative disease and, indeed, it wasn't his best year for thinking.
My brain feels like a moulded piece of lard. Seriously, my foot and back pain are sapping every ounce of acumen I've ever had. I think I've dropped 30 I.Q. points.
The proof is I would rather listen to a book than actually read it. No, it's more serious than that. I would rather watch MIDSOMER MYSTERIES on Netflix than listen to a book.
That's not quite accurate. I did read a Maeve Binchy novel last week, but I haven't yet listened to all of the Wallace Stegnar novel, which is about a woman who's just committed adultery, and I want to kick her sorry face in.
I have violent thoughts.
But I'm well into the third season of MIDSOMER MYSTERIES.
Sometimes I have to think before I say a grandchild's name, and soon I will call everyone "dollface."
I'm eating way too much butterfat and sugar. I wish I could take serious pain-killing drugs, but I'm too stupid to know how to get serious pain-killing drugs. I think there are guys in Pioneer Park I could ask, but what would I wear? Pantyhose? Lipgloss? Should I take along my pepper spray? And what is the etiquette for approaching a drug dealer?
Yesterday, at a picnic, I was having a conversation with my niece, Rachel, and in the middle of it I said, "We talked about this earlier today, didn't we?"
"Yes, but I didn't want to be impolite." Is she sneering at me?
"That's what I'm afraid of: people listening to me politely repeat myself," I said.
And then she said something sassy and funny and called me a name, but I don't remember what it was.
Here's a goal: I will swim four times next week, and maybe a little blood will run into my head instead of my back and feet. Gasp. I need oxygen.
When you finally brave Pioneer Park, I say ditch the pantyhose and lipgloss and just go for an all out shimmy...drug dealer will be in the palm of your hand. And hopefully you'll remember why you went there in the first place :)
ReplyDeleteMIDSOMER MYSTERIES - Yay! I love that show. I can watch the first 20 min., get the gist of the plot and then wander away for a good long while. When I come back, it is still on and I can watch the last 10 min. to see Who Done It. Productive and Entertaining at the same time, just like an Oreo cookie.
ReplyDeleteHugs about your pain. Are you into alternative meds? Acupuncture might help the nerve pain. I won't take serious pain meds out of fear I would like them too much and would need an Intervention.
Don't worry about forgetting names. I do that with my daughters already. I decided to name them all LilyAliceJane. That way, I'll hit at least one of them.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I always get my son's name right. Maybe because he's the only one.
I have not tried Midsomer Mysteries. I will.
I just knit my friend Kim a pair of socks for her 50th birthday, AND I WAS SO EXCITED BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES MY AWESOME SOCKS. And when she opened them she said, yay! I loved the socks you knit me for Christmas so much and now I have another pair just like them!
ReplyDeleteI have not yet recovered from this dreadful moment.
At least I think her name was Kim.
ReplyDeleteI hope my sassiness and name calling didn't hurt your feelings. I will never tell someone they are repeating themselves unless it's my sister or mother.
ReplyDeleteI am counting that this research proves correct. http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/articles/intelligenceandmemory/omega_three.shtml and
ReplyDeleteyou might find this interesting: http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/natureofthings/2008/brainchangesitself/ or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3TQopnNXBU
Delsym cough syrup for children. You can get it at Wal-greens while wearing a trench coat and a wig. I think you can only get two at a time, though. I recommend grape. Two swigs at 2 am for a cough gave me a high that lasted 24 hours. I didn't cough for 48.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear! I have a stash of Percocet, but I'm assuming you need something stronger, like weed? Hannah's dance studio is right next door to a hydroponics store. Would you like me to inquire? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you positive vibes this very instant.
And you know I'm kidding, right? Not about the positive vibes part. And there is a hydroponics store next to Hannah's studio, but I think they mostly grow tomatoes, mostly...
ReplyDelete