Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Advice for being an old woman: a list

1. Even if you've been a whiner all your life, stop now.  No one gives a damn about your pain.
2. Listen to your grandkids' music once in awhile.  Bob your head.  Smile.  Ignore the lyrics.
3. Keep that body moving.
4. Hold babies as often as possible.
5. Leave the house at least once a day.
6. Keep a lipstick in your pocket.  Apply every hour. You never know when someone will want to take your picture.
7. Use a cane when you need one.
8. Learn to tell a joke.  Practice.
9. Better yet, learn a magic trick.
10. Dance to live music.
11. Make faces in the mirror.
12. Carry around a purse full of Pez dispensers to hand out as needed.
13. Surprise your grandchildren with new vocabulary like, "She's fly."
14. If you want to know what's going on in your family, join Facebook.
15. It's not all about you.  Not even close.  Except when it is about you.
16. Keep a costume closet for yourself.
17. Take your meds.  People can tell.
18. No one likes a preacher.  Just saying.
19. For that matter, no one really likes a good example.
20. Remember Everybody Loves Raymond?  His mother, Marie, makes good comedy, but in real life you don't want to be that woman.


  1. My favorites are 2, 6, and 15. I need to work on 15. I would also add, stop talking about how old you are. I have a friend who is 20 years older than me and she always points it out. It stops the conversation everytime she does it.

    1. "Stop talking about how old you are." After 30, we're all equal.

  2. I love your list. Please include "do not talk about bowel issues" I hate when old people do that. Or really, even when young ones do that. And I love love love number 18.

  3. #21. Realize that your blog is the greatest gift to strangers you can give. Especially your story about Caleb's miracle. I've shared that with at least three people.

  4. Two thumbs up to LJ and #21.
    Will you be in our family? We need someone glamorous and fun to lead the way.

  5. I want to commit these to practice. To add to your list. Buy some new clothes that reflect the fashion of the day.

  6. I just got home from WIFYR. I've thought about you all week and reminisced with others about last year. You are all kinds of awesome, Louise.

    1. I thought about you guys this week as well. It really was an unforgettable class!

  7. I'm with Ilima. We said your name a hundred times this week in reminiscing how much we learned last year. Also, LOVE the pez dispenser one. I am so doing that when I'm an old lady. I can't do it now, cause my kids would find it and get cavities, but when I'm an old lady...definitely.