Monday, May 27, 2013

The bag lady in the anxiety closet

More than fifty percent of women worry that they will end up as bag ladies, impoverished and discarded.

To avoid becoming a bag lady, like the one who lives in my anxiety closet, I suggested to Tom this weekend that we get ahead of the game and begin living in our car, while we still have a car.

"I know how we can do it," I said, fingers fluttering.  "We can take out the back seat of our Avalon and open it up to the trunk.  Then we'll lay a plywood floor down and put an Aero mattress on top of that and, Voila, we have a home!"

We'd need a car topper for clothes.

I've always wanted to see all of America and our Avalon is good for another 100,000 miles.  In summer, we'd travel north to Canada and in the winter we'd live south in warm climes.

There are rules for living in your car successfully, without raising eyebrows with the coppers--ha ha ha ha ha ha.  Coppers.  That's rich.

The most important rules as far as I'm concerned:

1.  You must never ever look like persons who sleep in their car.  Join a gym or a community center where you can shower and exercise.  I like 24-hour fitness centers, because they have lap pools, but the South Jordan Community Center is cheaper.

2. Keep an ice chest for sandwiches and drinks.

3.  Park in safe and "legal" areas.  Personally, I'd rent a spot in a garage down the street for $30 a month and sleep in there.  It is important not to move around too much or keep lights on in your car to draw attention to it.  Think of condensation as well.

You can't believe how many free camp grounds there are in America.  So there you go.

4.  Plan for bathroom needs.  One site suggested a "poop tube."  I don't even want to know what that is.

5.  Keep your Netflix account.

6.  Live in the public library.  What can be better than that?

7.  Sign up for a mailing box.

8.  Keep your Ambien prescription current, or only sleep in states where marijuana is available.

In any case, you should always have a plan.


  1. There is no one else like you, Louise. Loved this. Especially #8.

  2. Such a clever and unusual way to think. You make me laugh and ....think.

  3. As Dan Q said, "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

  4. If living in your car seems claustrophobic take a look at the "tiny house" movement. I think I could do one of those, of course my husband would need one for himself because I would still need studio/craft space. You could probably tow your house behind your car so you technically wouldn't be homeless:)