Tuesday, June 4, 2013

DYI takes you only so far

Yesterday, Sarah and I went looking at houses with realtor/friend, Nancy Davies.  We were in Bountiful and stopped at several homes, but I want to tell you about one home on a beautiful treed lot, clean and pleasant--a little overdecorated but in the running--until we walked into the basement.

"Louise, come down here," Sarah called.

Even from the stairwell, I could see worn blue/green carpet.  "I don't think so," I said.  There's nothing like an old basement to bring on night terrors in the middle of the afternoon.

Sarah stepped into the doorway and looked up.  "There's a special surprise down here."

"This IS special," Nancy cried.

I walked down into a room that had a corner fireplace made of green boulders, but that wasn't the surprise.

"Look," Sarah pointed at a "couch" made of green rocks set in cement along with two built-in end tables.

"Oh," I say,  "Oh, I want to take the name of the Lord in vain."

Sarah and Nancy guffaw.  Here are the pictures taken with Nancy's cell:

Notice the sharp edge of that end table.

This is not a free-standing couch.  The only way to remove it is a jack hammer.  I personally think that Jimmy Hoffa is buried in that thing (or someone's husband).

Anyway, it was a deal breaker.

What's the worst thing you've ever seen when looking for a house?

Ours was plaster stalactites hanging from the ceiling.  "Oh, I can knock those down in an evening," Tom said with all the confidence of a thirty-year old.  It actually took about seven nights, and then he got a swollen and painful elbow, which was diagnosed as gonorrhea.

I have found the horrid things in life make for the funniest stories later.

By the way, I would recommend Nancy as a realtor to anyone in the Salt Lake area.  She is so efficient.
I was sitting in the car with her after Sam arrived, and she had entered the next address into the gps and couldn't find it.  Then she turns to me and says, "Oh, I'm in Kentucky."

We both peed our pants.


  1. I saw a heap of winners while trying to find a home in our price range in Maryland. I have two personal favorites, though.

    One was a house with a beautiful wide open floorplan and lovely wood floors. But you know that swirl of air that flies through a room when you open the front door? It kicked up tumbleweed-sized balls of dog fur. All over. I felt like I was in some surreal sort of western.

    The other was a huge house, much bigger than we thought we could afford, with three stories! I was so excited. When we got there we discovered it came already decorated, with holes in the walls and "I love crack" spray-painted in the basement.

  2. Louise this is by far the funniest post you have written. Thanks for the good laugh.

  3. I was confused for a moment, then I realized DYI stands for "Do-Yourself-In."

    Apropos of nothing, my daughter (age 20) informed me today that she will miss reading your blog while she is on her mission. I think it's the only thing she's thought of to miss well and truly so far.

    1. Ha ha ha. Actually, DYI is a mistake. It's supposed to do DIY. Ha ha ha.

  4. In Idaho we make our stone couches out of lava rock. It's way more sophisticated.

  5. You wanting to say the Lord's name in vain made me laugh. I never say that word. It may be the only curse word I've never said.