Monday, February 2, 2015

My obituary

Ann Cannon's column this week quotes an Australian Obit on writer, Colleen McCullough (The Thorn Birds--what a good read that was): "Plain of feature and certainly overweight, she was nevertheless a woman of wit and warmth."

She then asked several Utah writers to write their own obits following the above tone. It's filled with funny, self-denigrating quotes. You can read it here

I am quoted, but here is the complete obituary:

After a courageous battle with female pattern balding, complicated with sagging earlobes,  author, Louise Plummer, finally dropped into that dark, humiliating, abyss for good. She was 72. 

Her four loving sons texted each other as she expired. One of them was heard to say, "She's dead? I missed it." 

It was her husband, Tom, of fifty years, who recorded her last words:  "I hope I'm wearing lip gloss."

All who knew her will remember her for her scatalogical humor, her use of profanity in front of the grandchildren and her manic guffaws. 

Plummer taught English for twenty-two years, but was still conflicted about the Oxford comma at the time of her death.

Utah authors commenting on her death:  "Who?" "Oh yes, a midlist novelist."  "I thought she died years ago."

To save money, the family will skype her funeral from the study, a room she seldom used.  If you miss it, go to YouTube.  "Louise Plummer, no average Joe."

In lieu of flowers, send chocolate chips.


  1. It's perfect. But stick around awhile because the world is funnier and better with you in it.

  2. I wonder if the ads on your site correlate with the words in your blog--or do they correlate with my age? The ad says "Watch shocking presentation….how to remove spots on face," complete with image of an old lady's cheek (facial, that is). Almost as funny as your obit!

  3. I'm glad you are not dead but I truly hope this is the official obit.

  4. To fuel your NYC real estate fantasies:

    1. I saw this former prison, but I couldn't afford to buy it and restore it. I've always had fantasies of living
      in prison. I look god in orange.

    2. Having fairly young children still, I also have fantasies about living in prison. I look good in someone-else-cooks-and-I-get-my-own-room-with-en-suite-bath. . . I also rather like orange.

  5. Oh my, so funny/charming. Just shared it in my weekly roundup. Thanks!