My obituary

Ann Cannon's column this week quotes an Australian Obit on writer, Colleen McCullough (The Thorn Birds--what a good read that was): "Plain of feature and certainly overweight, she was nevertheless a woman of wit and warmth."

She then asked several Utah writers to write their own obits following the above tone. It's filled with funny, self-denigrating quotes. You can read it here http://www.sltrib.com/entertainment/2130889-155/ann-cannon-utah-writers-pen-their

I am quoted, but here is the complete obituary:

After a courageous battle with female pattern balding, complicated with sagging earlobes,  author, Louise Plummer, finally dropped into that dark, humiliating, abyss for good. She was 72. 

Her four loving sons texted each other as she expired. One of them was heard to say, "She's dead? I missed it." 

It was her husband, Tom, of fifty years, who recorded her last words:  "I hope I'm wearing lip gloss."

All who knew her will remember her for her scatalogical humor, her use of profanity in front of the grandchildren and her manic guffaws. 

Plummer taught English for twenty-two years, but was still conflicted about the Oxford comma at the time of her death.

Utah authors commenting on her death:  "Who?" "Oh yes, a midlist novelist."  "I thought she died years ago."

To save money, the family will skype her funeral from the study, a room she seldom used.  If you miss it, go to YouTube.  "Louise Plummer, no average Joe."

In lieu of flowers, send chocolate chips.